Jonesy Mucks Up!
02/11/2008

In a shocking development, Dean Jones will sit out the entire 2008 season after breaking the middle finger of his left hand. While Bullets Football Club officials claim the injury occurred in last week's practice match, Xavier College principal Chris McCabe described that as "utter malarkey", claiming Jones broke the finger in while leading several Xavier College students in wild muck-up day celebrations. Jones had been completing his community service at Xavier College for an undisclosed misdemeanour (a court injunction has prevented thebulletsfc.com from revealing the details of his offence). It was thought that a rehabilitated Jones could be a positive role model for the young boys of Xavier College. However, he was anything but. In a statement to the media, McCabe described Jones as a "loose cannon" who had "corrupted the minds of some of Melbourne's finest young men". It is believed that the widely reported Xavier College muck-up day antics were caused by Jones interjecting himself during half-time of a lunchtime game of jock ball. Channeling his inner Dermott Brereton, Jones gave the boys an ultimatum and told them to "draw a line in the sand". The rest is history, as one Xavier student ended up with a broken leg, while Jones and other Year 12 Xavier students went on a looting spree causing damage to private property. One Kew resident (who wished to have her name withheld) said she awoke at midnight to the sounds of Jones jumping up and down on her car bonnet, causing $5000 damage in the process. When she approached him, he made an "obscene gesture" before fleeing the scene. In an obscure reference, one witness described the 'obscene' gesture as being reminiscent of a gesture made by former Essendon ruckman Simon Madden in a mid-80s Escort Cup game.

This is the latest in a series of ugly off-field incidents for Jones (lest we mention all of the ugly on-field incidents as well), who has sought help in the past for his anger management issues. Being one of the most decorated football players in the history of The Bullets Football Club, we truly hope he receives the help he needs.

Late Breaking Update: Despite being sidelined by this career threatening injury, Bullets fans have not heard the last of Dean Jones for Season 2008. Jones will pen his thoughts this season in a brand new, and exclusive, column right here at thebulletsfc.com, 'Keeping Up With The Jonesy'. It promises to be a fascinating insight into the mind one of the great thinkers in the modern game.