Box Hill Or Bu$t!
01/11/2008

The health of The Bullets is again in question again after the club was forced to relocate to the Box Hill Recreational Football League (BHRFL) for the 2008 season. In a move that has seen the club's membership dwindle and a large turnover of players, The Bullets will play in the upstart Box Hill competition after receiving a very large cash incentive to leave the Sandringham Recreational Football League (SRFL). SRFL President Ian Buszard was reportedly livid that the club he has helped nurture through some difficult times quit his competition, allegedly describing the players and coach as "all ordinary". Meanwhile, BHRFL President Matthew Weerden described The Bullets joining the competition as "a real coup", believing that it adds an element of prestige to the fledgling league.

However, it is the financial ramifications of the move that have Bullets fans in a state of shock and panic. The club is already well known to be bleeding money, but with a declining membership and a salary cap that is bursting at the seams, long-time fans fear that the end may be near. While Bullets Chief Financial Officer, Wes Pack, has gone to great lengths to assure Bullets supporters that the club is operating "in the black", fans are seeing red at the decision to leave the club's spiritual home of Sandringham. A number of players will not be returning to the side this year due to the relocation, including 2007's Best First Year Player and Silver Bullet recipient Ruth Hannan. Hannan has accepted a lucrative offer to write a her memoirs about her time at The Bullets, tentatively titled "The Coach Who Came In From The Cold". Dave Beattie's retirement, which has been more on-again off-again than a 'Neighbours' wedding, seems to be on-again at the moment. Star forward Andrew Merryweather is still locked in contract negotiations, and may only play a limited number of games this year unless he can resolve a sponsorship dispute with the club. Couple this with the season-ending injury to Dean Jones and it means The Bullets have had to recruit heavily. While players such as Dave Gutteridge will be making their debuts, Bullets coach, Warren 'Coachy' Burford, has tried to replace experience with experience, bringing players such as Margit Gailis and Danijela Mijic back to the club. But players the calibre of Gailis and Mijic do not come cheaply and it remains to be seen how The Bullets can cope with this financial strain.

Late last week, ardent Bullets supporter and current US President George W. Bush offered the club a $700 billion rescue package. This will certainly help out the club, with half of the funds likely to go towards paying off Rob Hazell's gambling debts and the other half paying for the returning Danijela Mijic's personal entourage. The club also has outstanding debts owing to the Boggy Creek Motor Lodge, who are seeking compensation for damages to the premises made by the honeymooning Narelle Jones and Keith Randall earlier in the year. The club will also try to financially assist two-time Vitale Medallist Luke Barisic. Barisic, whose ill-advised move in the off-season to divide his investment portfolio between ABC Early Childhood Learning Centres and the Chinese powdered milk industry, has seen his fortune plummet in recent months.