It had to happen eventually. With The Bullets season freefalling into chaos after four consecutive losses, the media room was buzzing on Tuesday night with talk that The Bullets are tanking their matches. What started as a rumour quickly snowballed into 'fact' when an anonymous source supplied Channel 7 reporter Dylan Howard with what was allegedly Warren 'Coachy' Burford's much-vaunted playbook. While the playbook was surprisingly empty for the most part, and composed entirely in crayon, the available evidence was damning. Here are just some snippets of Coachy's game plan:

- Kick backwards at all costs
- Replace Dean Jones' anger management sedatives with Tic-Tacs
- Never play the full quota of three female players
- Get Luke Barisic addicted to cigarettes to stunt his growth so he doesn't win as many hitouts
- Encourage the fiancees of Bullets players to join opposition clubs, even if that means said club outnumbers The Bullets in players
- Convince 'Mez' that his goalkicking accuracy will improve if he takes shots for goal while blindfolded
- Arrive late at games with the flimsy excuse of "sleeping in" despite it being late afternoon

While 'Coachy' denied the playbook was his (insisting that he only ever uses teal coloured crayons and not aqua) and claiming instead to be the victim of a cruel hoax, he did little to silence the sceptics by announcing that he would be 'resting' star forward Andrew Merryweather for next week's crunch game against the highly-fancied Dumbalk.

It is hard to believe The Bullets are playing to their full potential after being so easily handled by The Barracudas in Round 8 action of the SRFL. The Bullets never looked in the hunt as The Barracudas ran out 28 point winners. Andrew Merryweather was once again a target (kicking three goals), while Ruth Hannan and Luke Barisic (who both found themselves in the forward line) added another goal each. Barisic playing up forward was just one of several experimentations by 'Coachy', who started Rob Hazell in the centre with Narelle Jones, and Dean Jones down back with the returning Elodie O'Connor.

Next week is the final round of the season, as The Bullets look to win back the respect of their fans against Dumbalk.