Bullets Off To Flying Start! Destination: Gold Coast?
30/10/2007

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Despite winning three of their first four games, and thus having their best start to a season in club history, there is an air of uncertainty at The Bullets this week as it has become apparent that the club may have to relocate to the Gold Coast. In financial reports leaked to the media this week, it has been revealed that The Bullets are in financial peril and may have no other option than to relocate if the club is to survive. Top secret meetings have taken place this week between Bullets coach, Warren 'Coachy' Burford and SRFL President Ian Buszard. Buszard is adamant about making the SRFL a truly national competition, and is also adamant that there will be an SRFL team playing home games on the Gold Coast by 2010. He is on record as stating that he will expand the competition to 11 teams if The Bullets refuse to take up the offer to relocate. It is believed that Buszard has given The Bullets 30 days to make a decision about their future.

News of The Bullets financial troubles have come as a shock to many in the recreational football world. Despite all of their on-field success so far this season, the club is in disarray off the field. Membership sales are well down on last year and average attendance figures have slumped from 1.28 people per game in 2006 to 0.47 people per game so far this season. Even No.1 Ticketholder Dan Vitale hasn't been spotted since The Bullets disappointing season opener. Detailed financial reports that were leaked this week also highlight many areas of gross overspending at the club, including:

- A $32,000 weekly holistic hand treatment and French manicure for 'Coachy'
- A $45 million Gulfstream V-SP private jet to transport Andrew Merryweather to each game
- A 2c per litre petrol discount for all other Bullets players
- $600,000 in accumulated bail money to keep troubled forward Dean Jones out of prison
- An $8 million payout for Rob Hazell's Workcover claim for his injured shoulder
- $750,000 to send Luke Barisic to Malibu for rehabilitation
- A further $6,000 to fly 'Coachy' to Malibu to bring Barisic back to Australia after he never checked in to rehab
- A further $200,000 in hush money awarded to a stewardess after what Barisic did to her on the flight back to Australia
- $12 million to hire enough web development staff to keep The Bullets website as up-to-date as possible to satisfy Dean and Narelle Jones
- A further $3 million dollars to run The Bullets Facebook Group
- A $1 million dollar grant to Rob Rizzo to compose The Bullets theme song
- A further $1 million dollar grant to Rob Rizzo after his cover version of Justin Timberlake's 'Sexy Back' was deemed unsuitable by the board of directors
- A $125,000 phone bill of reverse charge calls made from London by Lucy Burford
- $64 million for the live entertainment at The Vitale Awards
- $80,000 to form a search party for the disappearance of Catherine Croft
- $6.50 to bribe the umpires before a game
- A further $3.25 after the umpires refused the initial offer

In an effort to increase revenue, The Bullets have hired marketing guru Chad Stone to create new streams of income. One such initiative will see a new feature added to this website in the upcoming weeks.

On field, it is a different story as The Bullets continue to go from strength to strength. And while this week's photo depicts Rob Hazell behind 'Coachy' in the cockpit of a fighter plane, Hazell is taking a backseat to nobody on the field as he continues to impress. Against the Hampton Magpies in Round 4 action of the SRFL, Hazell earned his first-ever best-on-ground award for another stunning display. It was another solid team effort from The Bullets as they turned a five point half-time deficit into a 6-point victory. Andrew Merryweather and Dean Jones were again solid up forward with Merryweather kicking five and Jones two goals, one of which was set-up by a pinpoint Narelle Jones pass. Narelle also spent some time in defence, allowing the debuting Carla Ralph to have a run up forward. The midfield was again solid with Luke Barisic rotating through the midfield with the returning Elodie O'Connor and the debuting Emma Campbell. Meanwhile, down back it was 'Coachy' alongside Hazell who got the job done. The only depressing note was a further sign of financial troubles, with Luke Barisic playing the second half in just one shoe.

The win has moved The Bullets further up the ladder to third position. In two weeks, they come up against last year's premiers, Our Boys Don't Run. The Bullets have already claimed the scalp of 2005 premiers Pencil It In Again, but this may be an even bigger test.