Bullets Destroy Gunners And Then Trevor Barker Oval!
31/10/2006

The Bullets returned to the winner's list this week with a comprehensive 27-point victory over The Gunners in Round 4 SRFL action last night. However, their win has been marred by some excessive post-match celebrations that has left The Trevor Barker Oval in a mess and several star players in hot water.

The game itself was an intriguing affair. Warren 'Coachy' Burford took a gamble by kicking into the wind in the first half, resulting in a 4-point half-time deficit (24-28). However, The Bullets then used the breeze to full advantage, kicking five goals in the second half, while The Gunners couldn't manage to score to run out winners by 27 points (55-28). The win lifts The Bullets to seventh place on the ladder and back into the hunt for December glory. First-gamers Danijela Mijic and Sarah Sparnenn, along with the returning Asher Newton, all made significant contributions to the side. The forward line was on fire with Dean Jones kicking six goals (which is the most he has kicked in a single game) and Andrew Merryweather chipping in with three goals. And while the names Barisic and Mijic, on paper, would look more at home in the midfield of the 1962 Yugoslavian World Cup side, they sure looked at home on the rec footy field, giving the forwards constant supply of the footy. The defence also stood tall, with Newton, Sparnenn, David Beattie, Rob Hazell and Burford all repelling The Gunners' attacks at different points of the game.

However, the victory has been marred by victory celebrations that got out of control. When No.1 Ticketholder and printing magnate Dan Vitale decided to shout The Bullets players victory drinks, The Bullets showed they are just as hard off the field as on, leaving piles of empty beer bottles and cans in their wake. The Trevor Barker Oval looked more like a recycling plant than a football ground, with glass and aluminium making the turf almost invisible. Bemused locals flocked to the ground on Wednesday morning to begin the clean-up effort. However, SRFL president Ian Buszard deemed later that day that the competition would be postponed for one week while the ground is brought back up to the standards set by the competition's governing body, Football Victoria. The Bullets' next match will now be held on the 14th of November against The Travellers, who they defeated in last year's finals series.

However, that was not the extent of The Bullet's celebrations. The team then moved on to Bridie O'Reilly's Irish pub in South Yarra where star forward Dean Jones was involved in a scuffle with an Irish bartender. While the bartender claims that Jones had him in a headlock before punching him, Jones insists that he was just checking the barman for "head lice". Jones will now have to wait for The Bullets' board of directors to meet and determine his fate.

More Debuts And A Star Returns! Ins & Outs For Round 4!
29/10/2006

After two big losses, The Bullets have made a number of changes to the side that tackles The Gunners this week in Round 4 SRFL action.

Danijela Mijic and Sarah Sparnenn will make their debuts for the side, while Asher Newton returns for his first game of the season. Out of the side this week is Narelle Jones, who is in Sydney this week. Andrew Merryweather looks set to return to the forward line this week, to reform his partnership with Dean Jones. This is how the team will line up:

In: D.Mijic, A.Newton, S.Sparnenn
Out: N.Jones (Sydney)

Narelle Jones: Sydney Bound?
27/10/2006

At the conclusion of The Bullets' Round 3 encounter with LCF, Bullets midfielder Narelle Jones made it known to her teammates that she would be missing the Round 4 encounter with The Gunners due to having to travel interstate to Sydney.

However, what she neglected to tell her teammates is that she is next week being interviewed for the vacant Sydney Swans assistant coaching job, formerly held by recently appointed St.Kilda coach Ross Lyon. Our spies in Sydney tell us that Jones was recently seen lunching with Swans premiership coach Paul Roos, dual Brownlow Medallist Adam Goodes, chairman Richard Colless, boardmember Ricky Quade, and general manager Andrew Ireland. It is believed that Jones is interested in being a playing-assistant coach. Her growing dissatisfaction with Bullets ruckman Luke Barisic's ability to giver her first use of the ball at the centre bounces is one of the main reasons she may leave The Bullets. It has been speculated in the Sydney media that the main reason Sydney was determined to recruit Peter 'Spider' Everitt was to cater to Jones' insatiable desire to play with a quality ruckman. It is also believed that The Bullets' recent handling of the Dean Jones pre-season walkout (which resulted in Narelle's brother being internally suspended for The Bullets' season opener) may also factor into Jones' decision.

Bullets coach Warren Burford was today unavailable for comment as was Narelle's brother and star forward, Dean Jones. Ruckman Luke Barisic, who has already amassed 62 hitouts this season, denied there was any miscommunication between himself and his midfield lieutenant at the centre bounces. He had this to say to 3AW's Graham Bond earlier today:

Barisic: "Me and Janelle are getting along fine."
Bond: "Isn't her name Narelle?"
Barisic: "Whatever...(pause)...did I mention my 62 hitouts?"

We will have more on this story as it unfolds.

Bullets Suffer Another Big Loss!
24/10/2006

Things went from bad to worse for The Bullets tonight as they were on the receiving end of an absolute belting by LCF in Round 3 action of the SRFL.

The undermanned Bullets, who went into the game with only one female player, were always going to struggle to match it with LCF. However, it was not all gloom and doom. The forward line was a lot more productive this week, despite the absence of sharpshooter Andrew Merryweather. Dean Jones was back to his best after an interrupted start to the season, banging home four majors. He was ably assisted at various times throughout the match by Rob Hazell and Warren Burford, who kicked one and two goals respectively.

The switching of Merryweather to defence was an inspired move, as he managed to stay competitive, despite being outnumbered 2-on-1 in most contests. He worked well with David Beattie to keep the opposition's scoring from blowing out.

Despite the positives, there is a ground swell of discontent among the ranks with the direction The Bullets are heading in. Rumours are circulating that Warren 'Coachy' Burford may not see out the season as coach. It is believed that former Sydney Swans champion Barry Mitchell made an impressive presentation to The Bullets' board of directors last week as he searches for a senior coaching role. Coachy's recently introduced female-rotational-policy has caused him to lose favour with senior club officials, who believe that Burford's refusal to play the full requirement of female players is a sign that he is cracking under the pressure. The labeling of him as a 'sexist pig' by women's rights groups has not helped Coachy's fragile mental state, either.

The loss sees The Bullets plummet to ninth on the ladder. Next week they come up against The Gunners at 6:30pm in a must-win game if they are to get their season back on track.

More Confusion At Selection Table! Ins & Outs For Round 3!
22/10/2006

Bullets coach Warren 'Coachy' Burford has reacted savagely to last week's 48-point loss to Manhands by making a number of changes to the side for this week's critical encounter against LCF.

Rob Hazell has been recalled to the side, while Michelle Barisic (mothering) and Keith Randall (tennis, anyone?) have been omitted.

Coachy's highly controversial 'rotational-female-policy' has once again come under fire with Burford deciding to only play one female in the side this week. The move has caught the attention of several women's rights groups, who have picketed Coachy's palatial Glen Waverley home this week. They are upset at the perceived 'sexism' Coachy has shown at the selection table by not playing the required number of female players in Rounds 2 and 3. The Bullets will, thus, be fielding a 2-2-2 formation. In a surprise move, Andrew Merryweather will start the game in defence. This is how the team will line up:

In: R.Hazell
Out: M.Barisic, K.Randall

Akers Takes A Punt And Quits The Bullets!
20/10/2006

Club stalwart Stuart Akers spectacularly quit The Bullets earlier today to pursue his dream of becoming a punter in the Canadian Football League (CFL). Akers, who before this season had only missed one Bullets game (last year's final), is believed to have attracted the eyes of several CFL scouts, including scouts from the Edmonton Eskimos, Montreal Alouettes, Winnipeg Blue Bombers, and most notably the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Many believe Akers has what it takes to dislodge Noel Prefontaine of the Toronto Argonauts as the leading punter in the CFL. Danny Barrett, head coach of The Roughriders, believes that Akers' uncanny ability to produce an inordinate amount of 'hang time' on his kicks will make him an instant superstar. Roughriders fans have already dubbed him 'The Rainmaker' and have taken to raindancing in the streets of Saskatoon in the hope that Akers will sign with their club.

Akers joins a long line of Australian footballers who have headed to North America in the hopes of punting success, such as Darren Bennett, Ben Graham, and Saverio Rocca. However, most of these men have tried their luck in the US rather than Canada. Akers believes the level of competition is far greater in Canada than in the US, and that these other footballers were scared of getting hurt. Said Akers: "Canada! It's where the big boys play!"

Stuart Akers played 13 games for The Bullets over two seasons. He had played in each of the club's games before tragically injuring his ankle and missing out on being part of the winning finals team. Despite spending almost all of his career in defence, Akers did kick one goal in his career, in his debut game.

Stuart Akers tries his luck at punting (left), while fans take to dancing in the streets (right).

Bullets In Disappointing Loss To Manhands!
17/10/2006

After winning their last four games in succession, The Bullets crashed back to Earth tonight suffering a 48 point loss to Manhands in Round 2 action of the SRFL.

Manhands dictated the terms of play in the first half and consistently prevented The Bullets from going forward. The Bullets finally broke through with a goal late in the first half, but couldn't keep up the momentum. Star forwards Andrew Merryweather and Dean Jones were starved of opportunities up forward, kicking just three goals between them. The Bullets' defense struggled to repel Manhands, who had a large number of inside 20s.

New players Michelle Barisic and Keith Randall showed plenty of promise in their debut games, with both spending time down back and performing well under a tremendous amount of pressure.

The loss sees The Bullets drop to seventh on the ladder. Next week they come up against LCF (formerly LBCF), who are returning to the SRFL this season, at 7:15pm. Last time these two sides met was The Bullets first ever game in Round 6, 2004 when LCF ran out 27 point winners. A lot of water has passed under the bridge since then and it could be anyone's game next Tuesday night.

Ins And Outs For Round 2!
15/10/2006

The Bullets have made several changes to the side that defeated Move The Posts last week. Dean Jones returns from suspension and will line up in the forward line alongside fellow sharpshooter Andrew Merryweather.The Bullets have also added named debutantes in the side, Keith Randall (a fourth round selection in the draft) and Michelle Barisic (taken in the third round of the draft under the brother-sister rule). Barisic is the sister of Bullets ruckman Luke Barisic. As a lawyer, she is already quite well known to Bullets supporters as the legal representative for several players who have been involved in off-field incidents, most recently Andrew Merryweather's altercation with a man outside the Boutique nightclub.

Out of the side that battles Manhands this week are Debbie Murray (work commitments), Rob Hazell (work commitments) and Lucy Burford (secret bridesmaid's business).

The Bullets will be fielding a 3-2-2 formation after Warren 'Coachy' Burford miscalculated his controversial 'rotational-female-policy', and wound up short one player. This is how the team will line up:

In: D.Jones, M.Barisic, K.Randall
Out: D.Murray, R.Hazell, L.Burford

Bullets Kick Season Off In Style!
10/10/2006

The Bullets carried on their momentum from season 2005 last night with a stirring ?? point win over Move The Posts in Round 1 action in the SRFL tonight. The win has lifted the morale of the club after a turbulent off-season.

The Bullets debuted three new players last night and each of them made solid contributions. Rob Hazell and David Beattie formed a new-look defence and showed why it will be hard for opposition clubs to score against The Bullets this season, while draftee Debbie Murray dazzled both up forward and in the midfield, kicking a nine pointer in the first half.

The injection of new players into the side also seemed to inspire the rest of The Bullets lineup with Andrew Merryweather putting in another tremendous effort up forward kicking four goals, comeback queen Lucy Burford amassing an all-time high four possessions, Luke Barisic dominating the ruck hitouts, and Warren Burford and Narelle Jones deadly around the big sticks...each kicking a goal.

The win places The Bullets fifth on the ladder. Next week they come up against Manhands at 7:15pm. Last time these two sides met was Round 4, 2005 when Manhands ran out 29 point winners. The Bullets will be looking for revenge.

Bullets Name Three New Players At Selection Table!
08/10/2006

The Bullets have named three new players at the selection table this week with David Beattie, Rob Hazell and Debbie Murray (a third round draft pick) set to make their debuts for the club.

The most notable omission from the team submitted today was Dean Jones, who is serving an internal one-week suspension for walking out of the club's annual pre-season boot camp at Puckapunyal last month. The move to suspend Jones has caused plenty of internal debate. No.1 ticketholder Dan Vitale, angered at the decision, has already decided to boycott the game.

This is how the team will line up:

Bullets Sign Barracudas Captain!
06/10/2006

Shockwaves have been sent through the rec footy world with The Bullets signing the captain-coach of rival club, The Barracudas. In an eleventh-hour move, David Beattie agreed to terms with The Bullets and will debut in the team's Round 1 encounter against Move The Posts. The signing comes at the end of a hectic trade week that saw a number of players in the SRFL switch allegiances. However, there was no bigger signing than that of Beattie, largely due to the novelty-sized contract that was used at the media conference call earlier today.

Beattie had been growing increasingly disenchanted with The Barracudas Football Club board of directors and last week demanded to be traded. Beattie visited the club headquarters of The Bullets earlier this week and was impressed with the club's philosophy of 'win at all costs'. While Bullets coach, Warren Burford, was unable to remove the grin from his face at the prospect of Beattie joining The Bullets, the move has come at a price. The Bullets traded both their first and second round draft picks to secure the services of Beattie.

The move is seen as a bit of a gamble for The Bullets, as Beattie struggled towards the end of last season. Rumours circulated that Beattie was suffering was osteitis pubis, a story corroborated by Beattie's ex-girlfriend when asked to comment today. Beattie, however, claims to be 100% and is coming off a full pre-season. He is likely to play in defense, where he will line up alongside club debutante Rob Hazell next Tuesday.

The move has also left the future of The Barracudas in question, with rumours circling that the club is on the verge of collapse. SRFL president Ian Buszard has yet to receive confirmation that The Barracudas will take part in this year's competition.

2006 Season Preview!
03/10/2006

After a series of off-season setbacks, The Bullets are looking for continued improvement of their on-field success when the 2006 Sandringham Recreational Football League gets underway next week. After finishing last season full of running with three consecutive wins (including the club's first finals victory), Warren 'Coachy' Burford believes that this will be The Bullets best year yet. The ambitious 'Coachy' hopes the club can win at least 50% of its games, if not more.

The Bullets conceded a large number of goals last year and Burford has made the defence a priority in his planning for this season. With clouds hanging over the future of two of the club's veteran defenders, Asher Newton and Stuart Akers, Burford has told the media that you can expect to see big changes down back. New recruit Rob Hazell looks set to be spearheading the new-look defensive area, but 'Coachy' was very coy when asked who would share the defensive duties. Rumours have been circulating that The Bullets may have lured a rival club's star player to fill the hole in The Bullets' defence. When asked directly about these rumours by Herald-Sun columnist Mark Robinson, Burford was as evasive as ever.

The midfield and forward lines look to remain fairly settled with Andrew Merryweather, Dean Jones, Narelle Jones and Luke Barisic all signing contract extensions at the end of last season. Dan 'DV' Vitale has also been reappointed the club's Number One Ticketholder. We will also hopefully see the much-anticipated return of Rob Rizzo later in the year. And while Narelle Jones will be returning to the field, she will sadly be the only familiar female face on the ground. The departures of Margit Gailis (maternity leave) and Catherine Croft (AWOL), while a bitter blow, have opened the doors for an influx of new female talent.

It promises to be an exciting year for The Bullets!

Bullets In Crisis! Jones Suspended, Gailis Pregnant, Newton In Limbo, Croft In Rio, Coachy In Chaos! Pre-Season Exposé!
01/10/2006

Preparations for The Bullets' 2006 campaign have been thrown into chaos with several players embroiled in controversy. Star forward Dean Jones has been internally suspended by the club after walking out on the club's annual pre-season boot camp at Puckapunyal. After a three-hour meeting with Coachy and the board of directors, it was agreed that Jones, who kicked 24 goals for The Bullets last year, would be suspended for one match and step down from the senior leadership group. He will miss the club's opening game of the season. Speaking on behalf of her brother, Narelle Jones said Dean was "shattered" to be missing the season opener. No.1 ticketholder Dan Vitale was angered by the decision, and will boycott the game.

Shockwaves were sent through the club earlier in the year when midfield sensation Margit Gailis was suspected of stealing footballs at training sessions by sticking them up her jumper. After an awkward confrontation with several Bullets players, it was revealed that Gailis was, in fact, pregnant. Shockingly, an investigation has since been launched in the winter months to determine the father of the child. Gailis, who will sit out this season through maternity leave, does not know the father. However, medical examinations revealed that Gailis became pregnant during the club's end-of-season trip in February. Because those two weeks were a complete blur to almost all of those involved on the trip (with the exception being the hotel staff, who were left with a $200,000 damage bill), the playing group were called in to undergo several tests. After an anxious wait, DNA testing has revealed that no player on The Bullets list is the father of the child. The tests also revealed that ruckman Luke Barisic was actually incapable of having children. It should be noted that these tests were psychologically based.

Dashing defender Asher Newton is considering his options as the club refuses to meet his payment demands. The Bullets are struggling to keep everyone under the salary cap, and Newton, who was hampered by an ankle injury last season, may seek a better deal at a rival club. When asked to comment, Warren "Coachy" Burford was confident that Newton would play for The Bullets again. However, he has firmly rejected Newton's demand for 'Mez money'. Contract negotiations with Rob Rizzo and Stuart Akers have also stalled.

Meanwhile, veteran utility Catherine Croft has once again become entangled in a navigational mix-up. After missing several games last year through disorientation, Croft has reached an all-time low with her poor sense of direction. What should have been a 10 minute drive to a pre-season training session has ended up with Croft being last sighted somewhere in South America. Croft's husband, Pat McGlenchy, has launched a rescue attempt, which has so far proved unsuccessful. Their adventures can be read by clicking here.

Finally, we are saddened to report of the retirements of Jane Northey and Nicole Franklin, who have both left for better opportunities elsewhere in the off-season. However, Lucy Burford has decided to postpone her retirement plans and looks set to play on this season.